It's not that I'm really upset.

It's just annoying that people only ever seem to buy my preposes now. Instead of my normal art.
And I get what, maybe... One person on my sales that I ya know, really wanna do?
And this was before I got my job.
If Vexy wasn't so kind, I wouldn't have gotten 60 back to cover what paypal took during that whole fucking scary bank issue.

It's just irritating.

I wish more people wanted my art sometimes. Or just paid attention.

Especially to my characters. It's a dream of mine that people, you know, pay attention to them. And like them.
But really, I feel like not many people care.
And my whole life I just wanted people to like my creations.

BUHBUHUHDSJKFHDSKJDSG

WHATEVER.
TIME TO WORK ON STUFF AUGH

When you find an artist who draws in the style you've always wanted to...

And you don't know whether to get giddy and fangirly because oh my god this art
Or if you should sob with jealousy because oh god why can't I draw like this.

:'I

I hate being who I am.

I hate having a mental disorder.

I hate having to ADMIT I have one.

Also there was a thing on tumblr going around that was to draw yourself as an oni/demon
so
i
did????
dsgkladsklg
what a dumb looking demon

Commissions for Sinister I finished today! :'D

Interesting few days so far.
Finished two commissions in one day, hung out with two friends the other! It's kinda hard to believe she's pregnant, still... But eh, we had fun at the zoo and got in free cause she works there! There was an albino python and he was so cute cause he was sleeping on the side of his head all curled up and just BABY AHHHH

I want to own a snake.
I really do.

I've been having really bad anxiety for the past month or two. And it's awful.

Just a minute ago I felt it out of nowhere again. Sometimes there's a reason, but lately, there's not one. Just a chest crushing feeling of anxiety and dread washing over me, and I have no control over it. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. There's absolutely no reason for it. And it's frightening really.

I've had these feelings as long as I can remember, it's not just being shy.
It wouldn't be so crushing and alarming if it was just being shy.
I can tell you honestly, If I didn't know anyone at school, I would have stopped going.
When I couldn't find anyone and no one was in my class it was just... So much work to go. I was scared. Scared every day or my life. I can't even explain it. What I'm saying is really light compared to what I actually feel.

I got the courage to bring it up to mom the other day though. So I asked to go to the doctor.
We should be making an appointment soon and maybe, hopefully, I will be able to get something to rid this from me, and maybe then I can live every day peacefully. Normally. As normal as I can live at least.

It would be nice.
Mom said we'll also talk about birth control to help my cramps, cause they keep getting worse and worse, and it would clear my face up too.
So, now I just have to stop having anxiety about going to the doctor xD;
Wish me luck.

Shorty.

Finally drew to Fine Again by Seether! :'3

Humanverse stuff too! Zach, the human version of ZZ.
I chose him because lol staying sober, and his band is based off of Seether.
So.
Yeeeee.

I was in a foul mood not too long ago, tired of no one at home listening to me.
So a friend suggested I vent arted
and I did this and I guess I forgot I had it sitting in sai, unsaved and untouched
So I saved it and I guess I'm posting it here?

It's kinda cool, now that I look at it, I might use the concept later...?

Have this too!
Love me Dead!

OHAY BLOGGER I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU

Except I totally did.

I painted a Kure uwu And figured out how to add red to his skin and make it look right! 8D I'm hoping it helps show he's native or whatever? uwu
Also, additional background!

I liked the effect this one had!

Bwaaaah, ZZ you're getting fat 8I

sketched this, inked it and then finished it after taking the dogs for a walk and watching keith mess with my car dfsgjklsag yeee

Went to the art building and decided to work on this a bit today 8D; I think I'm getting a bit fast? The bottle still needs more layers! But yeah, I left cause suddenly no one was in there and I got really paranoid after a while. But yeah, great way to spend spring break huh 8D;;
ALSO I WAS BEING WATCHED

Had a weird night last night, ended up sketching my two favorite idiots to shake it c:

I drew Blaze and his dick for Rizza's birthday! 8D She said she was having trouble with drawing it anyways, cause it's large, but she doesn't know how to make it large without it being too big! And then she doesn't know if it's too small =w= So I tried to help with this? Plus, I'm GONNA jump at the chance to draw Blaze like this mmm yes yes.

what?

Tried working on this, but suddenly lost my motivation! Zero said he ate it! D:
But yeah, dunno if I wanted to paint or cel shade it anyways uwu

Looking through the pictures I've drawn in this years folder, I still really like how this one looks :3c

I drew it when I had Candas Listen to Ludo's "The Horror of our Love" And expressed how it reminds me of Andrick.... Yeeee.

Have an early St Patrick's day themed picture! 8D

I FOUND LOWELLS COLORS
;W;/

Dear Agony, now is not the time to make me almost cry, gosh. :C

ANYWAYS. Typing this here because fuck you, I do what I want.
Finished all four of those commissions in one day, I feel like I accomplished something. |3 So, that's nice. Being at home kinda. Eh, though. Getting bitched at for things that aren't really my control? I'm sorry I didn't feel like running back to the store to get what I forgot because I'm in a hell of a lot of pain in my leg for some reason. But you know, that doesn't mean I never go to the store for you, hell, what the fuck did I just do for you anyways? :\ EVEN when I'm in pain...

I can only hope my weekend will get better? It might not, though... Gonna try and get some more commissions though, I need to save up for when we get this car for me, so I can pay for gas and insurance... Gas is way too fucking high, it's crazy! D: So yeah... I also wanna buy these amazing looking scullcandy headphones =w=; I-I love my ear buds so much, I just. Want over the ear ones with even BETTER sound quality and bass. gotta hear that bass in the rock, ya know? Not dubstep, I don't like dubstep...

Okay, it's later than I intended, time to sleep and hope everything is better in the morning.

THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE AGES AGO!!
But it was hard.
And I redid it a lot.
BUT I DID IT.
Last commission sitting in my folder unfinished now finished! Four pictures in one day ;w;

Seether will never NOT be the best live band.
Ever.
EVER.
I'm serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfzLCWg9U7M&feature=related

This has been a post.

Jesus, this was a bit of a weird one! Commission for someone on FA of their yoshi characters as hyper herms? yee. idk.

'Nother commission for Carlyn! 8U Sheesh, I feel odd drawing all these hemipene snake dicks, because well. It's getting easier to draw them! D:

eh. oh well, just how I do my nagas.
c:
THIS IS COMMISSION DAY I WILL PUNCH ALL THESE COMMISSION IN THE FACE
till ya know, I have to go to the store....
Ugh, I hope they aren't expecting me to put gas in the tank, the truck takes WAY TOO MUCH TO FILL especially if gas is so high.... :\ Baaaaah.
Gotta start setting commission goals for the month for when I get this car of my own....
I'M RAMBLING SORRY LOL

Hahaha, I have yet to post a picture of Lowell, but GO AHEAD AND HAVE HIS GENDERBENT FORM? 8D; Posting cause Candas is posting this stuff to SO LOL HERE HAVE THIS.

Lowell is Kanda and Kure's future son (all by accident of course =w= ) and I just... Genderbent him at request of Candas? 8D
i'll have a normal picture of him soon SHHHH

Drawn to the song Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin!
Almost all of their songs tend to remind Candas and I of our roleplay we are doing, and when I heard this, one specific line kept making me... See this in my head?

Needless to say, once I get all of  my commissions out of the way this weekend, I hope to make a small comic based around this whole song, using the lyrics and everything <:

"Dear Agony,
Just let go of me.
Suffer slowly.
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Don't bury me,
Faceless enemy...
I'm so sorry.
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Dear agony..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGrM1sh-8pE
That's the song, if you wanted to know. c:

I FOUND THE ADULT CONTENT DSJGKLDGKL
Okay so yeah.
Posting this to prove my nsfw thinggy D: And I still kinda like it, even though the vent is wrong! Full, uncrop from dA LOL

naga diiick

Figure why not start something here?

c: Blogging is always nice, plus I can post wips and sketches and NSFW stuff here~

So that's what I'll be doing, give me some time to set up the page and then to post stuff! 8U But yeah, I'll post things like my ideas and the universe I have been developing (with Candas too <3 )
SO YEAH.

I may post humanverse related stuff here too...... Maybe.