It's not that I'm really upset.

It's just annoying that people only ever seem to buy my preposes now. Instead of my normal art.
And I get what, maybe... One person on my sales that I ya know, really wanna do?
And this was before I got my job.
If Vexy wasn't so kind, I wouldn't have gotten 60 back to cover what paypal took during that whole fucking scary bank issue.

It's just irritating.

I wish more people wanted my art sometimes. Or just paid attention.

Especially to my characters. It's a dream of mine that people, you know, pay attention to them. And like them.
But really, I feel like not many people care.
And my whole life I just wanted people to like my creations.

BUHBUHUHDSJKFHDSKJDSG

WHATEVER.
TIME TO WORK ON STUFF AUGH

When you find an artist who draws in the style you've always wanted to...

And you don't know whether to get giddy and fangirly because oh my god this art
Or if you should sob with jealousy because oh god why can't I draw like this.

:'I

I hate being who I am.

I hate having a mental disorder.

I hate having to ADMIT I have one.

Also there was a thing on tumblr going around that was to draw yourself as an oni/demon
so
i
did????
dsgkladsklg
what a dumb looking demon

Commissions for Sinister I finished today! :'D

Interesting few days so far.
Finished two commissions in one day, hung out with two friends the other! It's kinda hard to believe she's pregnant, still... But eh, we had fun at the zoo and got in free cause she works there! There was an albino python and he was so cute cause he was sleeping on the side of his head all curled up and just BABY AHHHH

I want to own a snake.
I really do.

I've been having really bad anxiety for the past month or two. And it's awful.

Just a minute ago I felt it out of nowhere again. Sometimes there's a reason, but lately, there's not one. Just a chest crushing feeling of anxiety and dread washing over me, and I have no control over it. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. There's absolutely no reason for it. And it's frightening really.

I've had these feelings as long as I can remember, it's not just being shy.
It wouldn't be so crushing and alarming if it was just being shy.
I can tell you honestly, If I didn't know anyone at school, I would have stopped going.
When I couldn't find anyone and no one was in my class it was just... So much work to go. I was scared. Scared every day or my life. I can't even explain it. What I'm saying is really light compared to what I actually feel.

I got the courage to bring it up to mom the other day though. So I asked to go to the doctor.
We should be making an appointment soon and maybe, hopefully, I will be able to get something to rid this from me, and maybe then I can live every day peacefully. Normally. As normal as I can live at least.

It would be nice.
Mom said we'll also talk about birth control to help my cramps, cause they keep getting worse and worse, and it would clear my face up too.
So, now I just have to stop having anxiety about going to the doctor xD;
Wish me luck.